Even in our darkest moments, God never leaves us.
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Even when I couldn’t see Him, God never left me. There were nights when I was scared, alone, and didn’t know how I was going to make it home. Looking back, I can see His hand in places I couldn’t recognize at the time. He was protecting me, guiding me, and sending help when I needed it most. “The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer.” — Psalm 18:2 From Part 62: The Scenic Route and the Ditch — PamHerrick.com
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Then came the parties. My mom was partying, my aunt was partying. I started going out with my aunt to different places, and it all just pulled me further away from God. It did absolutely nothing for my pain; I was still just deeply hurt.
We were living in a college town, and since we were hitting all these parties, guys were coming onto me all the time. I feel weird saying this in this story now, but I was only 15 years old. I had older men hitting on me and trying to grope me. It was a lot to navigate.
One night at a party, my aunt left with some guy. I was stuck there. Another guy offered me a ride home; he had been playing the guitar and singing, and he seemed really nice, so I said yes. On the way back, I realized we missed a turn and said, "Hey, this is the way to my house."
He just looked at me and said, "Well, I want to take the scenic route. I want to show you something."
He parked his van beside a lake. It was actually really beautiful, and at first, he started to kiss me. That was alright, I guess, but I was really too young for all that mess and I wasn’t very good with boundaries yet. But then he started getting carried away. I started saying no, and the next thing I knew, he was trying to rape me. Honestly, it’s a good thing he was drunk. He was big and strong, but because he was clumsy, I managed to escape the van.
I started running down the dark road. I didn’t even know where I was. I was terrified. Suddenly, I saw headlights coming. I can still feel my heart pounding just thinking about it, because I thought, Oh my God, he’s coming to get me. I dove straight down into the ditch to hide. As the car passed by, I saw it wasn't his van, so I jumped up and started running after it, waving my arms.
It was an elderly Black man. He stopped, looked at me, and said, "Oh my God, are you okay?" I told him what happened, and he safely took me home. I really love that man for that night.
But the wildness didn't stop. Other nights, it seemed like all anyone wanted to do was go out. I was trapped in a life I didn’t want, in deep pain, with nobody being a positive influence. My mom's friend had officially moved into the trailer—it was a total mess. Sometimes a guy friend from school would come over to visit; there was nothing romantic there, he was just a friend, but he felt so sorry for me. He actually told me, "My mom said you can come live with us." I felt too weird about it, so I didn't do it.
So the partying went on. I would go to the college town and drink sometimes too—I didn't do drugs, but I would drink to escape. I remember walking from one fraternity house to another and getting pinned up against a wall by two guys. I was fighting to get away from them, and they were just laughing at me. I remember thinking, Oh my God, what is going to happen to me? I finally broke free and ran off to somewhere, I don't even remember where. I just remember escaping.
I was going to school during the day, eating my only real meal when I first got to work, and then coming home to a trailer where you never knew what you were going to find. Strange guys were constantly coming in and out. To make it worse, my brother was mean to me there too. Looking back now, I know he hated me being there because he was just as messed up, angry, and upset as I was. We had absolutely no stability.
Part 63 coming soon…
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Lion of Judah shorts video below. I hope you can see yourself comforted in this image, safe in the presence of the one Who loves you! By the way, I just created my art business card on it at the end. I’m proud of all the work and thankful God is using it to spread His love! Here is link to my Facebook post for my card. HE’S GOT YOU! Please share with anyone, you know that might need the encouragement or enjoy the art. Thank you so much. Blessings! 💛
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