Bryan's "Horse of Hope " painting I did for him over a decade ago. It was painted five years after he was hit by those two stupid cars. Bryan has been well, thank you for praying! For those that don't know Bryan, he's my son that was hit by two cars while walking. He suffered severe traumatic brain injury. We care for him at home. Although he can't do anything for himself, he's loved, well taken care of and ok. But Momma (Me), had been broken inside in utter diabolical depression, for lack of better words. I could barely brush my teeth. The only thing I had energy for was taking care of Bryan. I shut out the whole world for survival. I didn't keep in contact with anyone. My sincerest apologies, I just couldn't. I'm coming out of that fog now. I had also stopped painting. I am now painting again with a hope and a vengeance of epic proportion to reach the lost and hurting with the good news and gospel of Jesus Christ. I pray there is an anointing on my art that you can see and feel the hope and love of God in.
A long story short of how it came to be I fell into depression and hid away from the world started when my paralyzed brother came to live with us, and having to take care of him and Bryan, it was just too much. My brother on top of his demanding care had frontal lobe damage and would say the most heinous things. Pretty much demon inspired I'm sure. And then Bryan's step Father started drinking again. And my brother committed suicide. I just broke. I had already broken before my brother's suicide but that made it deeper.
And on a very personal level, the depths of despair I had fallen into, was because of emotional abuse. I found out what narcissistic abuse was. Covert Narcissism in particular. Please Google it. Just in case you might be going through similar. And therein I found out how my soul had been demolished. My very will to live hanging on by a thread. I'm in therapy for it now and making a recovery. So is Bryan's Step Father as he endured a narcissistic father. A shout out to Danish Bashir on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram for his TANA program. (Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse). I can not begin to tell you the pain of giving all you have to someone and it never being acknowledged, never enough, or thanked and then any happiness you do have is resented by them and punished even. You walk on eggshells and you dim your light so as to not make them jealous. And then you die inside! Because you are not being what God created you to be.
I let a very few people know what I was going through, the deep depression. There was really no way to convey the depths of pain. I didn't know it was narcissistic abuse until Mother's Day, this year, 2025. I had hit Rock bottom so bad, I only had one prayer left. I prayed, "God show me". And that prayer was in particular to the relationship I had with Bryan's Step Father, who kept punishing me and seeming to hurt me on purpose. Soul crushing negativity. Of all places, God showed me, on YouTube! I saw a video about narcissistic abuse and what a covert narcissist was. That was it! Like BOOM! Perfect clarity. And now, God is restoring my soul. And I look forward to the calling He has on my life. To share the good news of the gospel, His comfort, joy, hope, goodness and our very present help in times of trouble through my art and testimony. God is good! Amen!
Thank you for all your prayers all these years for Bryan and I. Again, if you don't know Bryan, his accident was May 23, 2009. So it's been a lot of years! Thank you again for your love and compassion! You can read his story on my about page at www.pamherrick.com/inspirational-prophetic-art-and-story.html I'm still praying for a miracle. But thank God with all my heart he is still here with me. He's my hero.
In closing, please pray I grow in my healing and energy to paint. I miss it. My heart gave that up as it was too painful in some way, but I feel very motivated to start again. I'm just tender in my healing yet, so prayers appreciated for courage and strength. Healing after narcissistic abuse is not easy. I appreciate your prayers! God bless!
A long story short of how it came to be I fell into depression and hid away from the world started when my paralyzed brother came to live with us, and having to take care of him and Bryan, it was just too much. My brother on top of his demanding care had frontal lobe damage and would say the most heinous things. Pretty much demon inspired I'm sure. And then Bryan's step Father started drinking again. And my brother committed suicide. I just broke. I had already broken before my brother's suicide but that made it deeper.
And on a very personal level, the depths of despair I had fallen into, was because of emotional abuse. I found out what narcissistic abuse was. Covert Narcissism in particular. Please Google it. Just in case you might be going through similar. And therein I found out how my soul had been demolished. My very will to live hanging on by a thread. I'm in therapy for it now and making a recovery. So is Bryan's Step Father as he endured a narcissistic father. A shout out to Danish Bashir on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram for his TANA program. (Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse). I can not begin to tell you the pain of giving all you have to someone and it never being acknowledged, never enough, or thanked and then any happiness you do have is resented by them and punished even. You walk on eggshells and you dim your light so as to not make them jealous. And then you die inside! Because you are not being what God created you to be.
I let a very few people know what I was going through, the deep depression. There was really no way to convey the depths of pain. I didn't know it was narcissistic abuse until Mother's Day, this year, 2025. I had hit Rock bottom so bad, I only had one prayer left. I prayed, "God show me". And that prayer was in particular to the relationship I had with Bryan's Step Father, who kept punishing me and seeming to hurt me on purpose. Soul crushing negativity. Of all places, God showed me, on YouTube! I saw a video about narcissistic abuse and what a covert narcissist was. That was it! Like BOOM! Perfect clarity. And now, God is restoring my soul. And I look forward to the calling He has on my life. To share the good news of the gospel, His comfort, joy, hope, goodness and our very present help in times of trouble through my art and testimony. God is good! Amen!
Thank you for all your prayers all these years for Bryan and I. Again, if you don't know Bryan, his accident was May 23, 2009. So it's been a lot of years! Thank you again for your love and compassion! You can read his story on my about page at www.pamherrick.com/inspirational-prophetic-art-and-story.html I'm still praying for a miracle. But thank God with all my heart he is still here with me. He's my hero.
In closing, please pray I grow in my healing and energy to paint. I miss it. My heart gave that up as it was too painful in some way, but I feel very motivated to start again. I'm just tender in my healing yet, so prayers appreciated for courage and strength. Healing after narcissistic abuse is not easy. I appreciate your prayers! God bless!
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